Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
