ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
