i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
