I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
