It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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