dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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