Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
