Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
