oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
