He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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