my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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