So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
