dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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