I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
