Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
