Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
