Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
