u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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