i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
