I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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