i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
