i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I enjoy the company of your penis
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