smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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