you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
