he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
