Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
