if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
