How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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