when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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