OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
