Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
