Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
