false alarm. still invincible.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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