dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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