I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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