6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I puked a lego.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
