Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
40s are totally the cure
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
