i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
