I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
