Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
