Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
