Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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