If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
