remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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