WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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