His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize