Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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