Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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