Already got asked if we're dating
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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