And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
