I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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