Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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