My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
