she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
