I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
