Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
love makes seman taste better
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
