So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
