How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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