Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
