well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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