we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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