If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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