so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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