How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
smell my finger.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
