Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
