State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
