I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
