remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
false alarm. still invincible.
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Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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