party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
