u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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